Be true

（中文版在下方）
Went to church as usual for the Sunday evening service. During the worship, I was so released for I felt that God was calling me to be true to myself. He loves us as who we are. No pretense is ever needed in front of Him. In the university right across to the church, there are people who prefer to disguise the true self from others, and there are teachings asking us to pretend that we know everything.

Day by day, month by month, this disguise culture is not just limited in the intellectual realm, but the attitudes of how we face ourselves, and how we open our heart to Jesus. Sometimes we might not even notice that we’re disguising something from God, we’re preventing Him to see our struggles and even the dark side in life. The interesting thing is that, God knows all these. Yet He still treasures our honesty to Him, He wants us to share with Him the ups and downs, and the struggles of life. Yes, He treasures sincere relationship with us.

During the prayer service time, I went to Pastor Nate and asked for his prayer on being true to myself and to God. But he thought that this was a message not just for me, also for the congregation as well. So he asked me to share the inspiration I got, and to pray on the stage. Frankly I was a bit nervous, for English is not my native language. I might make mistakes, use the wrong word, and not to mention my strong Cantonese accent. He could just rephrase what I have shared with him, and spoke to the congregation himself. After all, people always want to present the perfectly best, isn’t it?

However, thanks God for this is a church, this is a congregation where we sinners with different weaknesses come together to encounter Him, and to engage into the community to build up one and other. There are acceptance and forgiveness, because this is what He taught us, and what He demonstrated by forgiving our sins and embracing us as who we are.

I’m not saying that we could freely justify our sins by the excuse of “being true” to ourselves. But it is okay to allow ourselves time, space and progress to grow in Him. And for sure He knows that. He knows our pace. He is more than willing to walk with us as we grow and coming closer to Him. Sometimes it is not about trying harder, but to learn to leave the unnecessary burdens and anxiety to Him, and to rest on His power and love. Allow Him space to perform miracles in our life.

Am grateful to grow in this community, with the teaching, acceptance, and sincere life interactions. It leads to self-acceptance, and profound reflections on the relationship between our life and Him. This intimate relationship ultimately determines the direction of life, and forms the solid foundation for every ministry of life encounter.

這個黃昏如常參與教會的學生崇拜。敬拜的時候，我感到很released，內心釋去了一些重擔。我感受到，上帝在教導我be true to myself。祂所愛的，不是以掩飾作為化妝的我們，而是本來的我們。在祂面前，不需要有任何掩飾。在距離教會一街之隔的學校，有不少人喜歡隱藏真正的自 己，也有教導我們就算不懂也要裝懂的文化。

日復日，月復月，這種掩飾文化不單出現在學習上，更影響著我們如何面對自己、如何面對上帝。有時，我們就算與上帝傾訴，也不自覺地隱瞞了一些掙扎，又或一 些生命的陰暗面。有趣的是，上帝其實知道這一切，但祂仍渴望我們敞開心懷，坦誠向祂訴說人生起跌與掙扎。對，祂在乎與我們的真摯關係。

在崇拜中的禱告服侍環節，我告訴N牧師這個領受，然後想請他為我禱告。誰知他認為，這不只是我個人的領受，也是對弟兄姊妹的提醒，所以他請我走到台上分 享，並帶領禱告。坦白說，當下有一點點擔心，畢竟英文不是我的母語，要立即分享剛剛領受的信息並祈禱，我可能會出錯，誤用詞彙，更不用說我濃厚的廣東話口音。 N牧師大可重整我的分享，由他親自發言。畢竟，人們不是經常想向人們呈現最好的嗎？

但感恩，這是一個教會，這是一個招聚罪人去認識上帝、並且彼此造就的群體。這裡有包容、有接納，因為這是耶穌對我們的「言教」，因為這也是耶穌親身向我們示範的「身教」。祂不是赦免我們的罪，並且擁抱原來的我們嗎？

我不是在說，做回原本的自己就代表我們可以隨意找借口犯罪。而是，有些時候，請容許自己有時間、空間、過程去成長。祂知道我們的步伐。而且，祂願意與我們 同行，無論高峰低谷、平路斜坡、小川急流。有時，我們最需要的，不是迫自己更加更加努力(try harder)，而是學習將一切不必要的重擔與憂慮交托給祂，安歇在祂的大能與慈愛中。給予祂空間，去造就我們生命的神蹟。

感恩在這所有教導、有接納、也有生命交流的教會成長，讓我們學習接納自己，反思生命與上帝的關係。我深信，與祂的關係，是人生定位的方向，也是一切生命事工的本源。