A conversation triggered the once lost memory of a small group we found in middle school years. The group was really small and never had more than 10 people. But it drew a few student and teacher believers who love Jesus together, and we had wonderful sharing and fellowship nearly every week.
Time flies, it has been nearly 10 years. Even I twist my brain so hard I just can’t remember how come I was so bold to set up such a thing, despite my lack of spiritual maturity and theological knowledge. And I had no idea why God would use me instead of more capable ones around.
Somehow we all go through a process called growth (if not aging), and we’re supposed to become more and more mature by accumulating experiences and lessons learnt from mistakes. I don’t know the rest of others, but for me, it also means a process of gradually losing boldness. I sometimes feel deeply sorry about that.
Whenever people tell me their desire to visit Hong Kong, I will be so confident to guarantee a satisfying list of good restaurants to them. But how come when it comes to share my faith, I just lost the confidence and boldness?
If we know that heaven is for real, if we want to see those people we care, treasure and love in heaven in the future, then why do we (or I) hesitate?!
I am really not saying that we should take an aggressive approach. I feel anxious to talk to aggressive people, hence I hate to force anyone to do anything. And I consider decisions made under unnecessary pressure as something not truly from one’s heart. I have no right and no intention to impose my beliefs or values to any individual.
But the thing is, at least I should tell, at least I should be bolder to share. I could make a speech in my third language in front of nearly 100 people consisted of countless strangers, and won the second place at it; but I cannot share what I believe boldly even I know that my second language ability is more than sufficient to master it. And throughout this year, I wrote thousands and thousands of words in Japanese to share my trivial life experiences and value system, and my writings have so many grammatical and word-choosing mistakes that would potentially embarrass me, but I still put them on FB and my blog to share. Yet I don't have the courage to share what I claim to believe firmly.
I read to gain knowledge on the culture, and I even had a list of names that I did partial fasting prayer for. It was the first time in my whole life to take partial fasting prayer so seriously. But I couldn't open my mouth to talk. Chris Lau, what are you doing?
To me, my faith is really not about a pact of rights and duties, that we receive salvation and we have to preach the gospel, or else we cannot go to heaven. I know I still can go to heaven even if I remain like today, for salvation is a grace that cannot be acquired by effort but first initiated by Jesus who died and resurrected for us. BUT, heaven and eternal life is not the single significant issue concerns my faith, the most core thing is about LOVE. If I truly understand and embrace the unquenchable love from God, the desire and passion to share it will just come. If I truly care about people around me, I would love to see them knowing Him in person, and meet them again in heaven. Coz this is the greatest blessing.
Additionally, my faith is not just about the life in heaven, but also the life for now. It is about the restoration of a relationship with the Heavenly Father, who calls us by our name, who recognizes our face among billions and trillions of people, and who know us even before time began. It's an intimate relationship penetrated with gentle yet powerful love that would lead to unimaginable changes in life, radiating from the seed-like decision of trusting Him.
By His grace I've learned a lot since I became a Christian twelve years ago. But if I have to name the most impressive and unbelievable one, I would pick the following:
"What He cares most is really not about the numbers or statistics of how much we have done for Him, but our Father-child relationship that Jesus died and paid the ransom to exchange for."
Somehow I (finally) figure out that a normal child would never be able to love his / her parents as much as they do for him / her. Same thing applies to the connection between Him and us. He knows all these, but He still chooses the path of unfailing love.
Yes, this is what I believe. This is what He has taught me over years. This is my faith.
We never know when will be the next time for the people sitting in front of us to hear the gospel.
I am so sorry.
But Jesus, in You we can always find forgiveness, acceptance and rest. Thanks for everything You've done for me, and thanks for still showing me my growth even amidst frustration. I know that even if I fail a thousand times, I am still caught in Your mercy and grace. You never let go, and You never forsake us. Yes, this is the promise and the covenant You made out of love by a sacrifice that is too large for my perception.
Time flies, it has been nearly 10 years. Even I twist my brain so hard I just can’t remember how come I was so bold to set up such a thing, despite my lack of spiritual maturity and theological knowledge. And I had no idea why God would use me instead of more capable ones around.
Somehow we all go through a process called growth (if not aging), and we’re supposed to become more and more mature by accumulating experiences and lessons learnt from mistakes. I don’t know the rest of others, but for me, it also means a process of gradually losing boldness. I sometimes feel deeply sorry about that.
Whenever people tell me their desire to visit Hong Kong, I will be so confident to guarantee a satisfying list of good restaurants to them. But how come when it comes to share my faith, I just lost the confidence and boldness?
If we know that heaven is for real, if we want to see those people we care, treasure and love in heaven in the future, then why do we (or I) hesitate?!
I am really not saying that we should take an aggressive approach. I feel anxious to talk to aggressive people, hence I hate to force anyone to do anything. And I consider decisions made under unnecessary pressure as something not truly from one’s heart. I have no right and no intention to impose my beliefs or values to any individual.
But the thing is, at least I should tell, at least I should be bolder to share. I could make a speech in my third language in front of nearly 100 people consisted of countless strangers, and won the second place at it; but I cannot share what I believe boldly even I know that my second language ability is more than sufficient to master it. And throughout this year, I wrote thousands and thousands of words in Japanese to share my trivial life experiences and value system, and my writings have so many grammatical and word-choosing mistakes that would potentially embarrass me, but I still put them on FB and my blog to share. Yet I don't have the courage to share what I claim to believe firmly.
I read to gain knowledge on the culture, and I even had a list of names that I did partial fasting prayer for. It was the first time in my whole life to take partial fasting prayer so seriously. But I couldn't open my mouth to talk. Chris Lau, what are you doing?
To me, my faith is really not about a pact of rights and duties, that we receive salvation and we have to preach the gospel, or else we cannot go to heaven. I know I still can go to heaven even if I remain like today, for salvation is a grace that cannot be acquired by effort but first initiated by Jesus who died and resurrected for us. BUT, heaven and eternal life is not the single significant issue concerns my faith, the most core thing is about LOVE. If I truly understand and embrace the unquenchable love from God, the desire and passion to share it will just come. If I truly care about people around me, I would love to see them knowing Him in person, and meet them again in heaven. Coz this is the greatest blessing.
Additionally, my faith is not just about the life in heaven, but also the life for now. It is about the restoration of a relationship with the Heavenly Father, who calls us by our name, who recognizes our face among billions and trillions of people, and who know us even before time began. It's an intimate relationship penetrated with gentle yet powerful love that would lead to unimaginable changes in life, radiating from the seed-like decision of trusting Him.
By His grace I've learned a lot since I became a Christian twelve years ago. But if I have to name the most impressive and unbelievable one, I would pick the following:
"What He cares most is really not about the numbers or statistics of how much we have done for Him, but our Father-child relationship that Jesus died and paid the ransom to exchange for."
Somehow I (finally) figure out that a normal child would never be able to love his / her parents as much as they do for him / her. Same thing applies to the connection between Him and us. He knows all these, but He still chooses the path of unfailing love.
Yes, this is what I believe. This is what He has taught me over years. This is my faith.
We never know when will be the next time for the people sitting in front of us to hear the gospel.
I am so sorry.
But Jesus, in You we can always find forgiveness, acceptance and rest. Thanks for everything You've done for me, and thanks for still showing me my growth even amidst frustration. I know that even if I fail a thousand times, I am still caught in Your mercy and grace. You never let go, and You never forsake us. Yes, this is the promise and the covenant You made out of love by a sacrifice that is too large for my perception.
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