Reminder to myself: Never let it become a dead end. And, be kind to people

(Ok, today’s passage is very long, but I feel much better after writing my thoughts down. To me writing isn't just word expressions, but release of emotion as well.)

Recently something happened in my families in Hong Kong that quite stressed me out. Sometimes I can’t help but questioning why the hell I am still here studying theories, which nobody except historians cares about, while my beloved families are undergoing certain conditions. Being in a worldly famous school for half a year, I would conclude that “study” itself cannot and should not be the ultimate goal for intellectuals, or at least for me.

We can accumulate incredible amount of knowledge by reading tons of books, participating ten conferences each week, and attending as much class as possible in each semester. BUT, what good do they bring to life, especially when you’re witnessing the sufferings of beloved ones? In many cases knowledge tends to be more concrete and tangible than emotions. But in some scenarios, the former is just an abstract entity while the latter is so truly existing that can bother your life and thoughts.

If pursuing knowledge is the ultimate purpose of study, it could be a risky dead end. Recently I often question myself why I am still here to study others’ arguments (I am not even doing my own research!) even I know the problems of my beloved ones. I mean, they are not having immediate fatal dangers, but no one can live forever, and our time becomes shorter and shorter once we get old. As a result, I tend to treat study as an enjoyable process that end up contributes to greater insights and obligations. This is one of the reasons why I am still here.

To me, only through embrace promising goals and purposes that greater than “study” itself can I overcome the sense of emptiness of study. And the goals have to be exceeding the own good of my life. One main example is, to equip myself as a blessing to others by my life experiences, gifts (talents), and knowledge. After received a recent request from my former teacher, I know that our identity as an Ivy League student can help in some occasions. If we are willing to contribute our experiences and abilities to help, a “blessing network” would be generated that it could extend to places or people we haven’t even thought of at the beginning. The idea is super ideal, not so practical, but I really like it.

Again to me, because the goals is exceeding myself, I can’t find them without someone who knows me more than I do, namely, God. Everything I have is given by Him; my life, my breath, my little talents, and my Princeton offer and so on. I still remember my conversation with Dad when I was dealing with the application to this school:

Dad: So, you will really go and study in the U.S. if they admit you?

Me: Don’t worry, Dad. This school (Princeton) will not admit me. If it does, it’s a MIRACLE. I am just “trying” to apply, in other words, pay to buy a hope.

In a February morning, I was so excited that I nearly got asthma attack after receiving the admission email. Yes, it has been a miracle. And if I can graduate, it will certainly be another miracle in my life.

Since everything is not belonging to me but the One who granted grace, I should pass the blessings onto others.

P.S. Talked with one of my favourite Japanese teachers today. Maybe she is strict to students’ performance, but if you ask me, she is always a supportive and incredible teacher. She’s so involved in class that turns it into a funny game, not to mention her willingness to help students, even stupid ones like me. May God bless her. These teachers make me feeling so blessed to study Japanese here.

Reminders to myself:

1. Go beyond the ivory tower. NEVER consider “study” as an ultimate goal otherwise it will be a dead end of life.

2. Identify what is most important to life

3. Be kind to people. Everyone has a story I know nothing about.

“Suppose I speak in the languages of human beings and of angels. If I don't have love, I am only a loud gong or a noisy cymbal. Suppose I have the gift of prophecy. Suppose I can understand all the secret things of God and know everything about him. And suppose I have enough faith to move mountains. If I don't have love, I am nothing at all. Suppose I give everything I have to poor people. And suppose I give my body to be burned. If I don't have love, I get nothing at all.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people's wrongs. Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up. Love never fails. But prophecy will pass away. Speaking in languages that had not been known before will end. And knowledge will pass away...... The three most important things to have are faith, hope and love. But the greatest of them is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-8, 13 NIRV)

最近は私のそぼは大変に病気から、よく心配でちょっと疲れています。家族の病気の時に　私はここでまだ歴史の理論を勉強しています。。。どうしてですか。わかりません。実は、勉強の一番大切な目的と意思は何ですか。多くの知識といい仕事のために勉強しますか。その他の目的がありますか。難しそうな質問です。でも、意味ありげな勉強ためにこれは大切な質問だと思います。

今、勉強の目的が少しわかりました。自分と他人の助けと祝福になりますね。たぶん　そのような質問のアンサーが　自分の探索や経験が要ります。それに、人生は勉強だけだったら、ダメで、よさそうじゃないですね。生活の中で、その他のことがたくさんあります。大切な方もたくさんいます。

今日は日本語先生のオフィスアワーにピッチとイントネーションを練習して、話しました。その先生は学生がよくなるために、学生の発音に厳しいですけど、いつも親切で、かわいくて、 すごくて、心ある先生だと思います。だから、大好きです。この大学は日本語のプログラムが面白くて、とてもいいですよ。

自分の備忘：

１）勉強の真実の目的は自分と他人の助けと祝福になりますね

２）人生の中で、一番大切な方やことを見かけます

３）誰もかも自分のストーリーと困難があるので、人に優しくします

「たとい私に、異言（今まで知らなかったことば）で話す才能 があり、また、天と地のあらゆることばを話すことができても、人を愛していなければ、ただの騒音にすぎません。 同様に、預言をする才能があり、将来の出来事を予知し、あらゆることに通じていても、人を愛さないなら、何の役に立つでしょう。　また、山を動かすほどの 強い信仰を持っていても、愛がないなら、私には何の値打もないのです。 そして、自分の財産を全部、貧しい人たちに分け与えても、また、良い知らせを宣べ伝えるために火あぶりの刑に甘んじても、愛がなければ、何の値打もありま せん。

愛はきわめて忍耐強く、親切です。　愛は決してねたみません。　また、決して自慢せず、高慢になりません。 決して思い上がらず、自分の利益を求めず、無礼なふるまいをしません。　愛は自分のやり方を押し通そうとはしません。　また、いらいらせず、腹を立てませ ん。　人に恨みをいだかず、人から悪いことをされても、気にしません。 決して不正を喜ばず、真理が勝つ時は、いつも喜びます。 だれかを愛する人は、どんな犠牲をはらっても、誠実であろうとするでしょう。　また、いつもその人を信じ、その人に最善を期待し、いのちがけで、その人を 守り抜くでしょう。 神様からいただいた特別の賜物や力は、いつかは尽きるものです。　しかし、愛は永遠に続きます。　預言すること、人の知らないことばで語ること、特別な知 識などの賜物は、やがて消え去ります。 ...... いつまでも残るものが三つあります。　信仰と希望と愛です。　その中で一番すぐれたものは愛です。」 (コリント人への第一の手紙 13:1-8, 13 JLB)

 この大好きな歌の名前は　静まって知れ （Still）です。