Your grief, our empathy

Jesus, I want to thank You. Thanks for letting me went through the experiences these two months. And thanks for let me tasting the heavy burden yesterday. It really upset my heart. People consider they are living in complete freedom with the right to do literally any and all thing they want, without realizing that they are living in deceptions. We do not regard an alcoholic as living in freedom even though s/he could drink as much as s/he wants. Because alcoholic simply does not have the power and freedom to get rid of the addiction. Even in the era lifting up distorted liberty, I still believe there are enormous differences between real freedom and unrestraint. 

The new direction Core Team is heading this semester really moved my heart. And I found so much empathy in E's sharing. Especially the struggles and heaviness we all have experienced in life ministries. As I got exposed to more chances of serving in these two years, sometimes the pain actually becomes real. So much brokenness, self-blaming, unnecessary shame, hurt, frustration, so on and so on. All these just exude in the conversations. Some people get to be so burdened and bothered by their past or certain facet of their identity. The wounds are so deep that only one or two prayers are not enough to heal. Some sharing over conversations just left me with no words, but to whisper "May I pray for you". It is always so hard to strike a balance between understanding people's pain and not to take it personally. 

After all, life ministry is not a project that does not require any personal investment. Real personal ministry naturally leads to devotion and commitment of time, effort, love, and personal attachment. Right? I believe to some extent it resembles the way You accompany us.  

Jesus, before praying for more spiritual gifts and anointing, I want to first pray for pure heart and clean hands. Without a pure heart sustained by Your love, talents and gifts can mean nothing in eternity. Teach me how to love like You do. Teach me how to be a generous person like the angels You sent to me over my life. Give me a small taste of Your grief (hm, well, I think a little bit is already enough. It's so overwhelming) when You're waiting for the restoration of connection with Your beloved ones. Ignite my fervour. I want to be more faithful to the life ministries. 

Teach us to uphold the truth with love. I would never forget how my good friend came up to me and confessed that she's gay, and worried about if our friendship would end. In such occasion what else could be better than a hug? 

I believe each person has different callings and life missions; yet as far as I know, hurting other people is certainly not one of the callings from You. 

And Jesus, thanks for backing me up in the life ministries! This is so overwhelmingly uplifting. Please continue to draw me closer, to train me, and to turn me into a more humble vessel. Help me to empty myself everyday so that I can make room for Your will be done in my life.

With all my love,
Chris